Competition Over
by The Cheshire Cheese
Summary: Tom is torn between the physical beauty of Kes, and the fiery spirit of B'Elanna. Chakotay talks him into a Vision Quest. Once in his own mind, Tom finds himself in a battle of brain vs…(he-hem). While discovering what he really wants, Tom also gets some sparks of inspiration for his new holonovel, "Captain Proton." (Some Paris/Kes, but ultimately Paris/Torres.)


**A/N: This is set in Season 3, between "Warlord" (where Kes dumped Neelix) and "Blood Fever" (where Tom and B'Elanna's feelings for each other really started to become clear).**

* * *

"Good game, Starfleet!" B'Elanna said with a fatigued smile, as the program dissolved around them.

"Better luck next time, Tom," Harry clapped his best friend on the back.

Harry and B'Elanna had just beaten Tom and Kes at three rounds of Hoverball. B'Elanna and Harry were both excellent players, and Kes was only a beginner. Their team wasn't helped, though, by the fact that Tom kept looking back and forth between both women—B'Elanna in her gray tank-top, Kes in a mint-green coverall.

"You'll get better with practice Kes," Harry told the Ocompan.

"How could we lose?" Tom joked. "You can read your opponent's minds, can't you?"

Kes laughed softly. "Wouldn't that be cheating?" her smile faded. "Well, I'd better get back to sickbay. Thank you Tom." Kes locked eyes with him. "This was just what I needed, to take my mind off things,"

The ship was still buzzing about Kes and Neelix's break-up. Kes had officially moved out and into her own quarters that morning.

Kes looked like she wanted to say something else, but just smiled tightly and turned to leave.

"I'd better get going to." Harry said. "I promised Tal I'd help her on a diagnostic."

"Guess I'll have to eat dinner alone, again." Tom glanced at B'Elanna. "Unless you wanna join me."

"I've got work to start on." B'Elanna said, without looking Tom in the eye.

"So do it after dinner." Tom shrugged. "Come on, what's half an hour of a little social time gonna hurt?"

"I just spent _two_ and a half hours of social time, Paris. I've procrastinated for enough today."

Tom hurried after B'Elanna. "What're you afraid of?" He said, half jokingly.

B'Elanna turned to face Tom. God, that body, in that sweat-stained sleeveless top…that brunette hair, all over her face—

"Paris, get it through that thick skull of yours," B'Elanna said it just lightly enough to be humorous banter, but Tom could read the insult beneath it. "You may think you're the universe's gift to women, but even you can't have it all."

She exited the holodeck hastily, the doors shutting just before Tom came close enough for them to pop opened again. By the time he was in the hall, B'Elanna had turned the corner. Tom cursed silently to himself. He debated chasing after her, but decided he didn't want to tempt B'Elanna's Klingon temper. He turned the opposite direction, to head to the Mess Hall, and saw Kes lingering there, watching him. Tom jumped.

"I'm sorry Tom, I didn't mean to startle you."

Tom laughed, holding up a hand. "Don't worry about it!"

Kes. Tom had been attracted to her since Day One. Granted, that wasn't saying much, given his flighty personality back then. He'd noticed B'Elanna's fierce beauty early on, too. He'd fantasized about a handful of shipmates, and then some. But Kes was the prize. He'd developed a crush on her sometime in the first or second year aboard Voyager, and though he'd accepted long ago that she wouldn't be his, the feelings still lingered. She was easily the most physically attractive woman on board, with her flawless figure and features, blonde hair and blue eyes. She was the classic beauty Tom had grown up reading about in fairy stories, Medieval legends, and early 20th Century sci-fi serials. The fact that she was the only kind of her species aboard Voyager, dressed differently from all the other women, and had those mysterious mental powers, put her on an even higher pedestal.

"Uh," Tom shrugged. "Do _you_ wanna join me for dinner?"

"I have to report to Sickbay for the rest of my shift," Kes reminded him.

"Right, right." Tom nodded.

After an uncomfortable silence, Kes said, "I'm glad you're here Tom."

"Me too," Tom replied, and immediately felt stupid.

"It's good to have a friend who, who you can just have fun with." Kes looked away, emitting a small, almost silent sigh. "It feels so liberating. I don't have to worry about Neelix's jealousy, or have to keep convincing him that I don't," she trailed off, as Tom stared at her sympathetically. "It's hard though, at the same time. I feel _guilty_. Neelix is miserable, while I'm out looking for…for new friends."

She looked down again, blushing madly. Tom licked his lips, and searched for a way to change the subject. "Hey," he said. "I, I was going to tell you sometime Kes. You know I mentioned the other day that I was thinking of writing a holonovel, based on those old twentieth-century Earth serials?"

Kes smiled. "Yes?"

"Well, I got an idea for one of the characters, and she's sort of inspired by you. See," Kes cocked her head curiously, as Tom did his best to explain himself. "…in those days, the heroes were all…they were all perfect. They weren't too big on character flaws back then. The heroes always did what was right. The men were always strong. The women were always beautiful, delicate, sensitive," Kes blushed again. "And their idea of beauty that showed up a lot on the screen, well, it kind of reminded me of, you know." Tom shrugged. "I'm not basing her personality on your or anything. I just go the idea…"

"Any idea what you're going to name her?" Kes asked.

"I'm not sure. I don't even have a hairstyle picked out for her yet. The women did all kinds of things with their hair in the 1930s."

"I've thought of changing my hair," Kes's voice trailed off for a moment. "Well I'd better get to Sickbay." As she passed him, she said quietly, "You have a good heart Tom."

That stuck in his mind, after she'd vanished around the corner. A good heart. _Goodheart_. Hmm.

* * *

Tom ate the first half of his dinner in silence, munching his grilled cheese and tomato soup in deep thought. Normally he' try striking up a conversation with Neelix, but that was the last thing he wanted to do today. Neelix was in the back galley, working hard on some recipes, giving people short greetings, obviously in a bad mood.

"Anyone sitting here?"

Chakotay was standing over Tom with a tray.

"You are." Tom offered.

They made chit-chat for a few minutes, before Chakotay asked him, "Tom, is something wrong?"

"No!" Tom said with fake cheer. "Life is good!" giving up the charade, Tom muttered, "A little too good."

Chakotay stared at him. "Too good."

"Too good. Too many options." Tom chewed the crust of his sandwich. "I have a choice, Chakotay. I," Tom almost glanced over his shoulder to see if Neelix was listening, but decided he wouldn't dare. Instead, he lowered his voice. "There's these two women."

"Just two?" Chakotay joked.

"Believe it or not. See, I really…_really_…want one of them. But she won't give me the time of day. The other just became available, but..." Tom threw down his sandwich crust.

"Is there some kind of a rush?"

"There…might be. One of them might not have as much time as the rest of us."

Chakotay's face changed. Of course he'd guessed Tom's feelings for B'Elanna, and half the ship knew Tom had a crush on Kes. Tom had just reminded Chakotay of Kes's short lifespan, and rapid aging process.

"You don't want to miss your chance with one, while waiting on the other." Chakotay said.

"Bingo." Tom shook his head. "Chakotay what do you do when you're in love with two women? You must've had some experience with women. Half the ones on this ship want you!"

Chakotay looked mildly surprised by this news, but took it in stride. "Tom, do you know what a vision quest is?"

Tom scoffed. "Some Indian thing where you go off in the woods and smoke a peace pipe to find your inner self, or something?"

Chakotay's eyes shifted, deciding to ignore Tom's usual racial banter. "Something like that. It allows you to access your subconscious. Ask yourself questions you'd normally be afraid to ask. Sound like something that might help you figure out what you're really trying to decide?"

Tom thought it over. "What the hell. I could use a break from reality."

* * *

Tom didn't bother with the yoga chanting. He didn't practice Chakotay's religion, and he wasn't in touch enough with his own to bother trying to use a Christian hymn. He put his hand on the "akoona," and felt the energy pulses travel up his arm to his head. Tom's brain began to feel heavy. It reminded him of being in a hot tub. Like a dream, he couldn't pinpoint when the vision quest actually began, and just found himself in the middle of it.

He was in a bar or restaurant, that had elements of several places he'd drunk and socialized at, including Sandrine's and Quark's bar on Deep Space Nine, where he'd met Harry. That ugly Ferengi was tending the bar, conversing with various aliens who came and went. Behind the bartender, a little fishbowl sat on the shelf among the bottles of alcohol, containing a clownfish that was making direct eye contact with Tom.

Everyone in the bar looked vaguely familiar. Once "awake," Tom would recall that many of them were old classmates, neighbors, or Voyager shipmates. They mingled with a few characters from Tom's childhood fantasies. Captain Janeway—in that old bun again—laughed heartily as Captain Ahab slammed his wooden leg on a nearby chair, telling her some sailor's story. Against the opposite wall, a character resembling Ming the Merciless from those old "Flash Gordon" serials clenched his fist and made some serious declaration, to a vaguely interested Sam Wildman, who nodded and sipped her drink.

It was like lucid dreaming (which Tom had managed a few times in his life). He knew it was a dream, but he still wasn't quite all "there." He had to stop and think about what he had come here to find out. It had involved B'Elanna and Kes…

And there they were, the two women, sitting at barstools, facing him. Both were dressed like flappers from the 1920s, complete with pearls, feather boas, and extravagant jewelry. Kes's dress was white and sequined, her short feathery hair complimented by a headband with a tall white peacock feather. Not surprisingly, a bundle of flowers decorated the hip of her dress. Her make-up was dollish and innocent. Laughing next to her, B'Elanna smoked a long cigarette, wearing a gown of glittering black tassels. Her hair and makeup were dark and sharp, contrasting with her pale face. On her head was an unstrapped soldier's helmet (something Tom had seen in one or two flapper photos).

The women of Tom's affections seemed to mock him, laughing and gossiping to each other, as if daring him to try to choose between them. Tom strained to hear what they were saying. It was like when the com system wasn't working, and you had to try and make out what the little voice on the other line was saying. Then, suddenly, he caught two clear snid-bits.

"He's not man enough." B'Elanna scoffed.

"He's man enough," Kes smiled, shaking her head. "He's just not smart enough."

Chakotay had told Tom to "interpret the symbols," but that had gone out the window. Tom wanted a straight answer. He went right up to the two women and folded his arms.

"So which one of you two am I supposed to pick?"

B'Elanna and Kes looked at each other, biting their lips, then burst out with cruel laughter.

"None of us!" Kes said, her laughing voice almost raspy.

"You're not good enough for a Klingon, Tom." B'Elanna was looking at him, with a humorous, unimpressed expression. "Klingon women want warriors. Not mercenaries who jump ship to whatever cause will pay his bar bills."

Feeling a sick sense of defeat, Tom turned to Kes, who just shook her head.

"Go ahead." Kes held out her hand, as if for a dance. "I'll be dead before we finish the Charleston!"

Tom looked between the two women desperately. "Can't I just get with you until B'Elanna lightens up?" he tried finally.

Kes's eyebrows went up humorously. "You're gonna use me up while you still can, and finish up just in time for B'Elanna to come around?"

"That sounds like our Tom Paris!" B'Elanna said coldly.

"It's logical!" Kes giggled. "Maybe Tuvok will approve."

Over the girls' laughter, Tom hollered, "_Shut up_!" which only made them laugh harder. "I could have either one of you!" Tom pointed accusingly to B'Elanna. "You have feelings for me! I know that you do! I just have to wait for you to come around!" He turned to Kes. "You've got at least two or three good years left! For god's sake, I don't have to _marry_ you! We could just have a fling while we're both young and then part ways. Neelix got over you, didn't he?"

B'Elanna inhaled from her long cigarette. "So pick," she taunted, blowing smoke in his face.

It was an agonizing decision. Kes was so…special. She was a once-in-a-lifetime chance. The girl who was beautiful, smart, kind, gentle, empowered with gifts no human had, wanted by half the men on the ship, only available for another few years…if he passed her up he'd regret it. But B'Elanna…she made Tom feel so _alive._ If there was someone Tom could truly be happy with, it might, just might…

"Score!"

Tom turned, looking behind him. The pool table from Sandrine's stood in the middle of the bar. Tom saw himself standing on both ends of the table. One Tom wore the earthy clothes he'd worn in the Maquis, back when he was getting into bar fights, and living each day like it was his last. The other was in a costume, an odd combination of historical periods Tom liked. He had the leather jacket of a 1950s greaser, a pirate's high boots and belt, and goggles something like Flash Gordon's. Both Toms were holding "ray guns," or "blasters," or whatever one might call the silly laser-guns used by the space-heroes of the '30s. They were using their guns to shoot at the pool balls on the table, in place of pool sticks.

"D'oh! Missed!" the Maquis Tom taunted, as the Greaser pounded his fist in the air.

"Dammit!" The counterpart swore.

Tom moved closer to the table, to watch his two halves play each other. Kes and B'Elanna came around the other side, across from him, watching the game with amusement.

"Life is short!" the mercenary Tom said haughtily, taking aim with his blaster at a blue ball. "You gotta take pleasure…" he hooked his arm around Kes's waist. "…when you can get it!" he spun Kes into a passionate smooch. Behind them, B'Elanna chuckled, giving Tom a wide-armed _Oh_ _well_! shrug.

A man sitting at a nearby table stood up, and moved next to the mercenary Tom. It was Admiral Owen Paris. Tom's father eyed his counterpart and Kes, and began a slow, defeated nod. "I was wrong, son. I guess you did something right after all."

_Yeah_, that would sure be a slap in the fact to his old man, Tom realized. A slap in the face to the galaxy. Tom Paris, the boy who could never do anything right, landed with the most special woman aboard Voyager. Everyone jealous of Tom. Everyone forced to admit that Tom wasn't a complete failure. That would sure as hell show B'Elanna to reject him.

And suddenly, Tom found himself seated at a round table in another part of the bar, set with a white tablecloth and candles. Kes sat across from him, still in that extravagant white '20s costume. Tom adjusted the top of his Starfleet dress uniform self-consciously. A vase of daffodils sat between them; in its water swam that clown fish, but it seemed to be avoiding Tom's gaze. Before Tom had started this vision quest, Chakotay had told him something important regarding animals, but Tom couldn't remember it, so he ignored it.

"So," Tom squinted at Kes. "What was I saying?"

Kes shrugged. "Whatever you want."

"Ooookay," Tom fished for a subject. "My holonovel! I want it to be a sci-fi, but a throwback. In the style of the 1930s. What I can't decide is, black-and-white, or color?"

"Both sound wonderful!" Kes smiled, shoveling her lobster off her plate and onto Tom's.

Tom gave her that short, uncomfortable laugh of his. "Right. But here's the thing; black-and-white would really make it seem authentic. And it's not a special effect a lot of people have tried out in holo-technology before. I'm kind of looking forward to giving it a try. But if we use the color, you can really get the fun atmosphere—you know, if I use those bright colors, like in 'The Wizard of Oz.'" He looked her up and down. "What do you think Kes? Just an opinion. Which one would you like better?"

Kes sighed playfully. "Weeeell," she thought it over, as she absentmindedly poured her wine into Tom's glass, causing his to overflow and leak onto the tablecloth. "If you want, I can close my eyes and pick a number between one and ten. Then, whoever guesses right, I'll agree with!"

"Come on!" Tom exclaimed. "Argue with me! Can you do that Kes? Can you stop smiling for ten seconds, and disagree with me on something?"

Kes was examining a daffodil, spinning it in her white-gloved hand. "Do you like flowers Tom?"

Tom contemplated whether to answer politely or not. Finally he said, "No. I really don't care for flowers."

Tom left his seat and wove through the crowd, until he found the pool table again. B'Elanna and Kes stood there, as if neither of them had left.

"Touch down!" the greaser Tom threw his fist in the air triumphantly, as his ball tumbled down into the hole, trailing a tiny stream of laser-blast dust.

The mercenary Tom made a frustrated gesture to himself.

"Hey, B'Elanna," Tom grabbed the edge of the pool table, and leaned across. "What do you think I should do for my holonovel. Black-and-white, or color?"

"Why don't you find out." B'Elanna blew out some more smoke coolly.

There was a lot Tom wanted to find out, he realized. He wanted to know what kind of a drink B'Elanna held in her other hand, some turquoise alien drink. He wanted to know where she got that WWI army helmet on her head. The cultural significance of that Klingon dagger resting in a sheath on her black dress. What Captain Ahab was whispering in her ear right now, that was making her laugh so hard and cover her mouth with the back of her cigarette hand—that beautiful mouth, with those full lips—

Kes was bobbing on her feet, smiling at Tom, holding a trophy for him. It looked like real gold, in the shape of a soccer player kicking a ball. Had he really won that? Not bad! He'd put it right on his bookshelf, near the doorway in his academy quarters, so his roommate and Dad and Mom and sisters and Captain Janeway and hell the whole universe could see…his _soccer_ trophy? Tom didn't play soccer. That was Harry's sport. Or his sister Andrea's…or…oh hell he couldn't think straight.

"What's that for?" Tom demanded, gesturing to the trophy in Kes's hands.

"It's for you!" Kes said cheerily.

"I don't want it." Tom said, not angrily, but forcefully. "You have _nothing,_ that I want! You have nothing for me!"

"Scoooore!" the greaser Tom exclaimed in a fake Spanish accent, as he blasted the 8-ball and knocked all of the rest into their holes.

"D'oh, balls!" the mercenary Tom cursed, like a villain from one of those old cartoons, whenever they made a lame pun. "I need a drink!"

"B'Elanna!" Tom called across the pool table, while his winning counterpart danced in self-congratulations. B'Elanna was in some deep, giggly conversation with Captain Ahab and Dr. Frankenstein. "B'Elanna! Hey!"

* * *

Tom's eyes flew opened.

He was in a dark room. Some Indian-looking artifacts hung around the room…he was in Chakotay's quarters. The first officer was sitting on the floor nearby, against the wall, with an opened book. He glanced over at Tom.

"Finished?" Chakotay asked softly.

Tom's blue eyes darted for a moment, and finally he breathed, "Yeah, yeah."

* * *

Tom tried to catch B'Elanna or Kes at breakfast, but neither was in the Mess Hall. Kes was probably in her new quarters, eating alone. B'Elanna, being B'Elanna, was probably already in Engineering, starting her day early. At lunch he tried again. Both women were in the mess hall this time. B'Elanna sat with Harry in the middle of the room. Kes was over in a corner, in conversation with Samantha Wildman. Sam had her daughter Naomi on her lap; Naomi was less than a year old, but thanks to some Ktarian genes, was already finishing up toddlerhood.

This was going to be awkward no matter how he did it. Tom considered waiting until another time, when he could catch each woman alone. But he wanted this done and over with.

Then, mercifully, an opportunity arose, when Samantha rose from her seat to get a refill on her orange juice. Kes took Naomi in her lap for Sam.

"Hey," Tom said.

"Tom!" Kes beamed. "Good morning." She turned down to Naomi. "Can you say 'Good morning?'"

To Tom's surprise, the wide-eyed toddler mumbled, "G'warming!"

Tom recalled that Ktarians development was spread strangely compared to many humanoid species (pregnancies lasted over a year, but children hit puberty at something like age five).

"Not bad!" Tom congratulated Voyager's youngest crewmember, and half wondered if she understood him.

"Do you want to sit Tom? I'm sure when Sam comes back we can get another chair,"

"No, I was actually going to talk to Harry about something." Tom glanced back and Harry and B'Elanna, who took notice of him. Harry waved. B'Elanna looked away, returning to her banana pancakes.

Tom turned back to Kes. "So uh…nice outfit!"

"Hmm? Oh!" Kes looked down at the cherry red jumpsuit, with the geometric collar. "Thank you. I just replicated it this morning. I thought I'd try something new."

Tom nodded. "Well, it looks good on you." Self-consciously, he looked back at the galley.

Sam Wildman was talking with Neelix, which was keeping both of them distracted. But he didn't know how much longer he had. Better spit this out.

"Hey, I just wanted to say, if you want to practice some more hover-ball, some of us are free tomorrow afternoon. Maybe you'll have better luck with Lt. Baxter as a partner. Me and Harry can play you guys. You can get out, make some new friends. Even if you don't have a lot in common with them, it's good to just have people to talk to, now and then."

Shit. Would he have to sing it to her? Or was she catching on? She just kept smiling! Kes was a telepath. But was that like an empath, like a Betazoid, who could just sense Tom's feelings? Or could Kes only read minds when she consciously chose to?

"You're a good friend Tom." Kes shifted the child in her lap. "I think maybe that's all I need right now, some good friends."

_Yes! _

Kes glanced at B'Elanna and Harry. "Your food's probably getting cold Tom."

"Oh! Right."

They bid each other a "see you later" and Tom joined Harry and B'Elanna.

"Who was dumping who?" Harry asked with a smirk.

Tom looked at him, slightly shocked.

B'Elanna put her cheek in her hand. "We heard the word 'friend' come up a lot in your conversation."

"Oh!" Tom stirred his eggs. "I was just telling Kes that if she wanted to make some new friends, I'd be game for teaching her some more hover-ball. Wanna join us? We can do a battle of the sexes, guys vs. gals,"

"Sounds good." B'Elanna cut into her pancakes. "But who's gonna help Harry? Three against one doesn't sound fair."

Harry and B'Elanna burst out into giggles at Tom's expense.

"I'm gonna get you out to dinner B'Elanna," Tom said, with a humorous determination. "if it takes the rest of this journey home!"

"I think you should focus on your holonovels," B'Elanna teased. "You might do something with that!"

"Hey yeah," Tom shifted in his seat. "Y'know I just got an idea this morning, for a villain! A deadly queen, who rules alone, doesn't let anyone take her out to dinner," B'Elanna's eyes began to roll upward. "…maybe with a little spider sitting in her hair!"

It was B'Elanna's turn to get laughed at.

"You work on that Paris." She said, sticking some pancakes in her mouth.

* * *

**A/N: Special thanks to Mike's Hard(er) Lemonade. Without this fruity booze, this story could not have been written! **

**On Tom's animal guide: (WARNING! Don't read this if you want to "figure out the symbols!" for yourself.) Chakotay has said on the show that the animal is not necessarily your favorite, or the most obvious for your personality; it's just a random animal "chosen" to guide you. I thought a clown fish would be in Tom's subconscious for a few reasons. First, he's interested in the ocean (addressed in the episode "Thirty Days.") Second, his carefree, class-clown personality. Third, I think if Tom's family is connected to any religion, it's almost certainly Christianity. I'm Jewish myself, so I'm not saying this from a bias. I'm just saying it because it seems the most likely to me. Anyway, the fish is a Christian symbol. **

**On Tom's inspiration for "Captain Proton:" Yes, the *role* of Queen Arachnia was *played* by Captain Janeway. But we don't know that Tom *wrote* it for her. We just know that Tom's hononovel has two starkly contrasted female heroes—the delicate, traditionally feminine, blonde Constance Goodheart, and the fiery, brunette, powerful Queen Arachnia. No doubt Tom got inspiration from an assortment of women he knew. His sisters and probably somewhere in those women. Man, maybe someone should write "Captain Proton In Love" (hint: "Shakespeare In Love"). **


End file.
